Purpose for Pain - Jeanie Kimberly

Unfortunately, trauma is a real thing and people experience it every day.  However, one of the things I really like about Hope City, and the reason I call it “home,” is primarily because they love, accept, and walk alongside people so well, who have endured many kinds of trauma.  This is also a reason I consider this place my “chosen family.”

Earlier this year, I participated in a Mending the Soul-Explore Group that lasted 7 weeks and several years ago, I participated in a 12-week Mending the Soul Group.  I feel as though my first group just scratched the surface because I wasn’t really prepared to deal with my traumatic experiences yet.  However, as I went through the second group, Explore, I felt completely seen, heard, and understood for the first time in my whole life. And I’m almost 48 years old! 

I finally found the clarity I had been seeking for so long and just hadn’t been able to put my finger on the cause of why I was struggling so much through various jobs, intense family conflict, stressors as a single parent, etc.  As much as I desired to just run away from all the emotional pain I had endured throughout my upbringing, a very abusive marriage, and further workplace abuse when I worked as a mental health professional, I felt God inviting every hurt and every tear I had so that He could heal my heart in His strength alone instead of me continuing to convince myself that I needed to be self-reliant.  Additionally, it is very humbling to sit with others in their pain.  I truly believe that God has purpose for our pain and will use it for good if we place these requests before Him, and it will never be wasted.  

One of my favorite verses has always been Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Years ago, while I had been married to a police officer, I remember praying for God’s protection daily feeling as though I was constantly at risk of becoming a domestic violence statistic due to his consistently unstable mental and emotional state.  There were so many seasons I sat holding my babies scared about him coming home from work.  I chose to stay in the darkness, with my low self-worth and shame, and my blinds closed so nobody could see the depth and rawness of my emotional pain.  With God’s help, I was able to be brave. To take my power back, and I left that marriage in 2012.  Since then, I’ve had the privilege of leading a safe, healthy, life with my two beautiful daughters who are now 13 and 20 years old.     

John 1:5 says, “The Light shines in the darkness; the darkness has not overcome it.”  This versecontinues to remind me daily that I will never return to a place of darkness or “hiding” ever again.  I am a child that is loved by God and therefore, I have a daily routine of opening my blinds every day before I sit and read my Bible and do a daily devotional.  I will never be silent about my pain again, or others who are experiencing it also.

 

Jeanie Kimberly

Volunteer  | Hope City Church